The Coolness Factor
Tab's Scale of Coolness
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    • Here it is-the long awaited and much desired Tab's Scale of Coolness! I am going to start listing here people whom I think are cool, their coolness level based on a 1 to 10 scale and things that can bring your coolness level up or down. This will be updated periodically, so be sure to check in regularly. Ready?

  • Snooks Eaglin: Coolness of 10. Why? You'll just have to go and see him for yourself. Anyone that can play guitar and sing like that gets an automatic 10.

  • Uncle Buddy: Coolness of 10. Unc is very cool. He exists in a perpetual state of coolness. Study this picture. This is the face (and clothing) of a VERY cool dude. By the way, this picture was taken at the wedding of B & I.

  • Tu Bobbi: Coolness of 10. Quite possibly one of the coolest women on Earth. Superb taste in all things. Dresses impecably, always. Vibrant, Graceful & much fun.

  • My Mom: Coolness of 9. Why does mom only get a 9? Because she grounded me when I was a kid. Other than that slight flaw, Mom would get a 10.

  • Burke's Mom: Coolness of 9 1/2. She was never truly able to ground me. She did try, though.

  • Dutch: Dutch is a 9. Period. (he'll be a 10 at 60) Dutch is just cool, cool, cool. He wears cool shirts, listens to cool music, has a very cool hobby (bonsai trees), and a damn great personality. Everybody loves Dutch. Dutch is cool. Plus, Dutch is the only guy I know that will shoot tequila with me. How cool is that? Plus, Dutch drives a van. Not some little wussy car. I guess he couldn't fit baby trees in the back of a car, but that's beside the point.

  • Ed Kirkley, AKA the Great Bald One, Budda Belly of the Universe: Coolness of 8.5. He's almost 60, (well, he's over 35, anyway-so he doesn't quite rate a 10 yet.) The number one reason that Eddie is cool, other than the fact that he thinks that fried chicken and prunes is a diet meal (the prunes cancel out the chicken) is that he really does care about his friends. Matter of fact, ole' Kirkley is just about one of my best friends ever. The one thing that brings Eddie's coolness down, is that he tells bad jokes occasionally. And picks on his friends too much. And tells everyone (on line) that he is going to the bathroom. To Poo. Yuck. Lay off the prunes, babe.

  • Burke:Coolness of 10. (no, she's not 30, but she's still a 10) Burke and I have been friends since 3rd grade. She is quite possibly one of the nicest people that I know. Caring, a great sense of humor, super intelligent, actually LIKES folk music, and knows how to deliver a good natured jab when needed. She is talented, she paints and plays music. Burke likes bad movies if they are funny. Plus, Burke and I can laugh at the stupidest crap together and not feel like idiots. Burke has cool hands and nice nails. Hey-thats just cool.

  • Cognac: The Mano-Carl and Carrie's Golden Retiever. Yes-I am nominating a dog. Because he is the coolest dog I have ever known.

  • Daniel: Here is what makes the Big D cool-he pretends like his piano playing is "ok" when in fact it is phenomenal. Daniel makes an 8.5 on the coolness scale for this alone.

  • Ginger: 10 on the coolness scale. No doubt about it. Ginger kicks ass.

  • Frank Patterson:

    9.5 on the Coolness Scale. Frank, of all of the people I know, knows what it is like to love being on the water. Plus Frank is Bald-bald is cool. Frank is just one heck of a nice guy, too. Oh-one more thing that makes Frank Uber cool. Scottish Highlander blood. Yup. Frank-you rock, dude. Frank, babe- a hundred years ago-we could have been sailors together-or hey, pirates!

    If you don't see your name here, it just means I haven't rated you yet. Keep checking back.


    Unofficial coolness rules: If you are a man, you can not achieve a coolness of 10 unless you are atleast 60 years old, unless I say otherwise.

    If you are a woman, you must be atleast 30 years old to score a 10. Women mature faster than men. Remember-these beez MY rules. Don't like it? Make your own coolness scale.

    Kind to animals:+1

    Strangers want to touch your hair:+1

    You can pronounce D'yer Maker properly:+1

    You Kayak:+1

    Have a Hairy Back:-1

    People say you are too skinny:-1

    You purposely fart in an elevator as you are getting out and someone is getting in:-2

    You'd rather listen to Heart than Brittany:+2

    You forward "bad luck" chain letters just in case:-1

    You forward funny e-mail:+1

    You'd only date people who others would consider "good looking":-2

    You think Brad Panovitch would be a stud if he'd just get some Rogaine:+5 hahaha

    You fish:+1

    You are a mechanic (or like to work on cars):+1

    You like big earrings:+1

    You support your woman's shoe habit:+2 Bruce gets points in this department

    You drive a truck OR a van (NOT MINI-VANS though-sorry mom):+1

    You (if you are a man, of course) put the toilet seat down:+1 (+1 Extra point for wiping the rim)

    You like donuts:+1

    You buy me donuts if I am out with you:+2

    You don't care if my butt gets a little bigger from eating all those beautiful donuts:+3

    You like women with big butts:+4

    You think silicone enhanced body parts are not nearly as good as the real thing:+1

    You'd never date a man for his money:+1

    You like "weenie bikinis":-1

    You wear "weenie bikinis":-2

    Boxers, not briefs:+1

    You wear cologne or perfume:+1


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